I finally think that I've lost my sense of time. A year and a day seem to mean the same thing to me now and I think a part of me likes it. I like the fact time passes unevenly now. I can go through a few weeks of life without noticing a change and then all of the sudden I realize the date. I know that time passes in the same way no matter how much our minds contradict it but it's sort of nice how days can pass seemingly quicker. Now I have no idea what this means. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm sort of losing my voice and my original thoughts that causes me to forget each day individually. Or maybe it's that I feel the same feelings day after day that makes time seem all the same. I don't want to forget myself for days at a time but I don't want to feel grief for long hours on hours either. Sometimes I even forget why I want time to pass so quickly. Why I don't just want to sit and enjoy the smaller things that highschool brings me. And then I remember why I wait so impatiently. I wait for summer. I think because summer offers me a shred of hope that people from lost memories will wander back to me. That's everything my heart knows and sometimes my mind seems to agree with it.
Also, it's getting harder for me to tell the difference between the shallow emotions I feel at school and such and the deeper emotions I feel. Is this because I'm forgetting? Afterall, I can't hold onto the memories forever. My memory is like ruler. I can't measure my whole life. This scares me to death. But I'm not going to think about that now, it's too early in the night.
Until I decide to chain myself to the computer agian, this has been a girl who wishes that she lived in a place where no one left too soon at 5:55 next evening.
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