I'm going to ache my way out of this bed, this town; this life.

Till I'm sinking into the change I'm meant to create.

All we do is sift through the details of living.

Life is fuzzy.

I'm floating through the sky, but I keep running into you.

Happiness lingers on the spot where you kissed my cheek.

up trying on down.

Kids in cars
Kids in passenger seats
They sweep me off my feet.
I'm weightless to my mother's car.
Worthless.

irony meets in the middle.
is this love?
i got cut out of whatever i used to be.
and i'm a little scared.
but that's okay.
life finds its way to me.
one breath at a time.

Everything we started sits in my back pocket

I’m getting older but are you getting smarter?

That’s all it takes to laugh again, some common sense.

It’s funny to me how you see the world and forget to breath.

this isn't even pretty.

I'll prove them wrong.
I swear to you (whoever you are)
I'm going to prove them so wrong, they'll say sorry.
maybe I want it for the wrong reasons,
but that doesn't matter,
I'm going to prove them wrong.

i just write.
little, little, down.
just a little though.
because that's all i'm made of.
learning how to breath happy without a you.
it's not waiting anymore, it 's life.
that may be settling,
but i guess that's just me.
i've got friends.
and they count hugs,
not kisses.

little rain clouds take up mind
while your words take up my sleeve
your feet weren't made for this kind of wet
so you go in the house to sleep.

but you don't live
you only breath in the air I steal
to give
whatever life that I believe is real
you said that lying isn't right,
except for you

the wind twists the leaves just like your character
and I'm starting to wonder why you care
You think you're entitled to stick around
as if you thrive from my despair

cause you don't live
you only breath in the air I steal
to give
whatever life that I believe is real
you said that caring isn't right,
except for me.

Fall gets us now
Green life and time spiral in color
the hem of my sleeve makes you smaller
until I lose
all of you.

concrete and brick of a new small town
seem as innocent as me
I'll shovel my driveway so it's free from snow
in a town somewhere up east.

and now you live
far from the air that I used to steal
to give
me blurry memories of unreal
everyone learns without the lies
except for you.

Too Much to Ask You, the one who's supposed to make things better.

I'm sitting in my car, swimming in my sweat.
This kind of lull is deep and oh it hurts.
It's not so much the unknown, but more his voice.
It strains out to no avail until I can hardly take it.
While hiding in my ipod only brings me more guilt.
But I didn't ever do anything.
And they never did what they promised to do, eighteen years ago.
Guess what?
People can't pull though, so neither can I.
Don't expect me to reach out and help you, I'm far to young for this burden.
Just please get me out of this vicious circle called unhappiness.

I need some inspiration,
so maybe if I keep typing it will come.

nope, maybe tomorrow?
hopefully, because I need some proof that this is what I want.

1. That's enough for now. I'm too full from youth to speak. A smile is all it takes here, where everything is simple. Even the knots in my hair.

2. We flourish and we fade. Fourteen years in I lost my charm, but never my smile. I suppose that's not enough now. I'll see you back next summer.

3. The domino effect runs around my life. Knocking down my walls anytime it wants. Sleep gets me now though. It gives me a part with the rest of sleeping Newark. Sort of like comfort.

4. I keep sifting through a million words. Hoping a couple fit. There aren't enough late night TV shows. Paid programming is what fuels this. And once again I'm running out of characters. Thinking that maybe my thoughts will slip out. They depend too much on my mind. Just like me.

Hurry Up and Wait.

I am always unfailingly aware of you.
Which sucks.

stop it please.

you must be two different people.
because i can't make out your character.
i never could.
you, you, you
touched the small of my back.
catching my hair with the tips of your fingers.
stop killing me.
i was left there, standing,
dying.
it must have took me five minutes to recover.
it's funny how it doesn't hurt when i think about you now.
and now i'm spilling myself out to a keyboard.
see what you've done?

Anyways.

I've got a plan.
I know, I look nervous.
I held onto you just a little too tightly today.
Did you notice?
Let's not make me go through this again, it's all in my head anyways.
I don't care if you think I have some silly crush on you.
I just like talking to you.
I just want you to want to be near me.
I just want to be friends with you.
Not old friends, like before.
Friends.
I want to learn from you.
I want to be outgoing and talkative with you.
Somebody please help me do that.
Who am I talking to anyways?