Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Two Thousand Miles Away

Impossible girl
Who lays her heart in a labyrinth of steel.
Already two thousand miles away
While the voices of her past and present escape her lost mind.
She dwindles on every moment not taken from her
Finding her soul then running away with it.
All thoughts of the somewhat real world she lives in are lost in the woods
And she goes only where she knows
Two thousand miles away.
Just something I wrote. More to come, from a girl who wishes for others this time at 1:11 in the night.

Friday, September 26, 2008

A Name and A Summer

I'm not in a very bloggy sort of mood today but I guess I'll try and write out something interesting for you. Maybe I should try and explain the name I chose for this blog to you. Well, here goes. I wish I lived in a room named oblivion. It's an odd name probably, but it does have some significance to me. You see, about two years ago I sort of lost myself in the whirlwhind of junior high. I was trying to be everything; cool, pretty, and lots more. I was dumb and naive and I got my heart and my self esteem broken, big time. Now readers please don't go on and think that I'm some depressed highschooler who just needs a place to vent(i.e. this blog). These are actual acounts of my life and actual beliefs and thoughts that I have. And I am no where near depressed! Actually I'm quite satisfied with my character. But anyways, the point is that I was crushed. That summer I got into a play at a local summer-stock theatre(I know it's cheesy, but acting and singing are two of my biggest passions). This was a huge deal to me because getting a part at this theatre as a kid was a great accomplishment especially becase this was an adult theatre that hired interns from all around the country. So I went to the practices and because I was the only child in the show(ok, so there was another boy in it with me but I was the only 13 year old girl in the play so I was pretty alone...and shy)I was pretty scared to death of everyone else. But during the short duration that I was in the show I met one of the most amazing people I have ever met and will probably ever meet in my future. I don't want to go into any details because I'm working on this new thing where I don't spill my life story out to starngers but I will say that after I met this person my veiw of the world changed forever. I started to change too. Before I met him, I was completly unaware of how shallow my life actually was at that time. I was completly unaware of where my bad character was leading me or how I was treating others. I was completly unaware of how blissfully unhappy I actually was(I know that I implyed that the end of 7th grade was rough for me, but really my problems were nothing compared the huge problems of real people) with my shower deep life. He lived far away but he promised that he would come back next year-and I believed him. After all, I was only thirteen. So I lived my eighth grade year for the better, for him. I got closer to my faith and I bettered myself as a person. I missed him a lot too though and I could suddenly see the big picture of my small life in a huge world. Often I would wish that I was still completly oblivious to how unhappy I was before that summer. I wished that I was still thinking as small as all the other kids in my grade. He didn't come back this summer. And I did. So I sopose that when I named this blog I was missing him and wishing that I still lived in a room named oblivion.

Until I write some more, this has been a girl who wishes that she could jump on an airplane and fly through herself to get to him, at 5:55 in the evening.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Smalltalk and Idle Gossip

So I guess i realized why I'm writing this blog now. It's mostly because of fear i guess. The place that I live in is filled with drama and stupidity and naivity(highschool). And I absolutly refuse to get dragged into a world of shallow words that are spoken despite later regrets. The big picture. That's what I try to see everyday. Not what other kids are fighting about or about what to wear but more about things that are going to effect the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like there is this complete, "grown up", and far away world passing me by at 100 miles per hour. And there's nothing I can do to stop it. Instead I have to sit through bleak conversations made up of smalltalk and idle gossip. But back to that fear that I have(please take note that I get off subject extremely easily). I'm desperatly afraid that one day I'll wake up and all that I will care about will be friends and my social life. Stupid little things that make up a whole highschool full of oblivious students to what else is out there. I'm not saying that everyone I know is like this but from my perspective it seems like it. I'm writing this blog to stay true to myself and to keep my "big picture" thoughts very much in tact. I just don't want to lose any of the depth that I keep inside me. That's all really.

Until I get back to this box with all my thoughts, this has been a girl who wishes she could speak just as she thought at 2:22 in the morning.

So let me just explain myself.

I'm not really sure why I'm doing this. Starting this blog i mean. I've never been one to express myself. Maybe Im just tired of narrating my life only in my head. And I know that this isn't really explaining myself, but i still felt the need to start this blog with a sort of opening, Instead of just begining to write you the small story of my life. I'm not going to give you the full story of my past, But maybe if you stick around you'll find a few pieces unravel while reading. I will tell you this though, my past is what made me the girl I am today. But more specifically it was one summer of my past that me me who I am. So perhaps tommorrow I'll begin to record my life onto a webpage. It depends where I find myself.

Until then, I hope you have enjoyed the very first post of a girl who wishes for wit at 11:11 tonight.