irony meets in the middle.
is this love?
i got cut out of whatever i used to be.
and i'm a little scared.
but that's okay.
life finds its way to me.
one breath at a time.

Everything we started sits in my back pocket

I’m getting older but are you getting smarter?

That’s all it takes to laugh again, some common sense.

It’s funny to me how you see the world and forget to breath.

this isn't even pretty.

I'll prove them wrong.
I swear to you (whoever you are)
I'm going to prove them so wrong, they'll say sorry.
maybe I want it for the wrong reasons,
but that doesn't matter,
I'm going to prove them wrong.

i just write.
little, little, down.
just a little though.
because that's all i'm made of.
learning how to breath happy without a you.
it's not waiting anymore, it 's life.
that may be settling,
but i guess that's just me.
i've got friends.
and they count hugs,
not kisses.

little rain clouds take up mind
while your words take up my sleeve
your feet weren't made for this kind of wet
so you go in the house to sleep.

but you don't live
you only breath in the air I steal
to give
whatever life that I believe is real
you said that lying isn't right,
except for you

the wind twists the leaves just like your character
and I'm starting to wonder why you care
You think you're entitled to stick around
as if you thrive from my despair

cause you don't live
you only breath in the air I steal
to give
whatever life that I believe is real
you said that caring isn't right,
except for me.

Fall gets us now
Green life and time spiral in color
the hem of my sleeve makes you smaller
until I lose
all of you.

concrete and brick of a new small town
seem as innocent as me
I'll shovel my driveway so it's free from snow
in a town somewhere up east.

and now you live
far from the air that I used to steal
to give
me blurry memories of unreal
everyone learns without the lies
except for you.

Too Much to Ask You, the one who's supposed to make things better.

I'm sitting in my car, swimming in my sweat.
This kind of lull is deep and oh it hurts.
It's not so much the unknown, but more his voice.
It strains out to no avail until I can hardly take it.
While hiding in my ipod only brings me more guilt.
But I didn't ever do anything.
And they never did what they promised to do, eighteen years ago.
Guess what?
People can't pull though, so neither can I.
Don't expect me to reach out and help you, I'm far to young for this burden.
Just please get me out of this vicious circle called unhappiness.

I need some inspiration,
so maybe if I keep typing it will come.

nope, maybe tomorrow?
hopefully, because I need some proof that this is what I want.

1. That's enough for now. I'm too full from youth to speak. A smile is all it takes here, where everything is simple. Even the knots in my hair.

2. We flourish and we fade. Fourteen years in I lost my charm, but never my smile. I suppose that's not enough now. I'll see you back next summer.

3. The domino effect runs around my life. Knocking down my walls anytime it wants. Sleep gets me now though. It gives me a part with the rest of sleeping Newark. Sort of like comfort.

4. I keep sifting through a million words. Hoping a couple fit. There aren't enough late night TV shows. Paid programming is what fuels this. And once again I'm running out of characters. Thinking that maybe my thoughts will slip out. They depend too much on my mind. Just like me.

Hurry Up and Wait.

I am always unfailingly aware of you.
Which sucks.

stop it please.

you must be two different people.
because i can't make out your character.
i never could.
you, you, you
touched the small of my back.
catching my hair with the tips of your fingers.
stop killing me.
i was left there, standing,
dying.
it must have took me five minutes to recover.
it's funny how it doesn't hurt when i think about you now.
and now i'm spilling myself out to a keyboard.
see what you've done?

Anyways.

I've got a plan.
I know, I look nervous.
I held onto you just a little too tightly today.
Did you notice?
Let's not make me go through this again, it's all in my head anyways.
I don't care if you think I have some silly crush on you.
I just like talking to you.
I just want you to want to be near me.
I just want to be friends with you.
Not old friends, like before.
Friends.
I want to learn from you.
I want to be outgoing and talkative with you.
Somebody please help me do that.
Who am I talking to anyways?

"Title"

"Ring me up on my cellular phone, so i'm know i'm not alone in a world full of vampires."

happiness is just ignorance for everything else that's falling apart.
how stupid are we to want that?
but how lifeless are we to not?

there's so many things i wish i wrote.
so many words i wish i could live in,
instead of live from.
i just thought you should know that.
whoever you are.

neighbors.

you left me for florida.
was it the snow?
it must have been the snow.
but you could have got used to it.
you could have got used to me.
but i'll wait till you visit,
because i care,
because i want to say goodbye.

Oh, What a Ride

Won't you live in a song with me? It's just the music that crosses the lines of your face. It's just what I can remember.
Pick up your feet quick. You'll fall and trip. In this life things seem to make sense in our heads till we run out of beds to live in.
Funny how we always tend to give in.
I know we're anything but simple. And sometimes our layers get tangled up in our emotions. But we're only human; I'm here, aren't I?
Pick up your feet quick. You'll fall and trip. In this life things seems to make sense in our heads till we run out of beds to live in.
Funny how we always tend to give in.
Maybe one day I'll change for you, I'll have to find you first. I looked everywhere but all that came out were these words.
Meaningless until you see them. Changing until the world changes sides.
Oh, what a ride.

1. All we know is what we are. We don't know anything else.

2. Ready or not, here I come. I'm chasing in between the lines of safety and luck.

3. Won't you live in a song with me? It's just the music that crosses the lines of your face. It's just what I can remember.

4. So I'll just keep writing like it means something. We all live off fragments anyways. Our hands can only hold so much until we fall. Repeat, repeat, and then some.

rain, sun, or winter? can you repeat the question?

"everybody's changing"

summer's so close. but everything else is just dragging along.
we didn't have a spring this year in newark.
just fall, winter, more winter, now heat.
but school didn't get the memo.
and what good is this doing me anyway?
I used to think the rain made the music more interesting.
But I'm losing that feeling.

Where's Waldo

I don't cry that much anymore.
The water runs too deep.
It got lost in my body.
But oh, there are sometimes,
Sometimes when the tears see day
And my mind goes dark.
Sometimes when I look up at the sky,
I cry.
For its the Sky that must watch us everyday.
And every night.
They wonder why it won't stop raining.

Set the Scene; Fix It All.

You're walking around in Newark.
I'm here.
I'm young,
insecure,
insignificant to the rest of the world.
I can't even drive yet.
Because I'm too young.
I can't move towards you
even though you're all around me.
In everything I do.
What now?
Please just look a little harder.
I'm here.
I've always been here.
The summer is setting itself again.
But I'm not the same.
Keep looking.
I'm dying here waiting.

I Apologize for the Sin, Love.

Little faces
up against a window.
But the window is so cold
and the fire is so warm.
Please go get warm.
The window's glass will melt you in.
But it's safe here by the fire.
You're too young to see the war.
The one that you were born into.
The one that makes you chilly.
So go to sleep tonight.
For tomorrow, when you're naive,
You will open the window,
let the wind take your innocence,
and let the cold sink into your skin.
Just don't forget to wake me
before you've left tomorrow, love.

Divorce.

I'm losing myself from eight to three. Getting worse at letting out. Getting worse at getting out. Look and see, it's all right there, clenched in my hand. I'm trying too hard now. So all that comes out are sentence fragments that hardly even make sense in my mind. Sorry about that.

I took all the hurt and the tears and put them somewhere deep under my skin. But every so often I get hit and my skin is pierced and the hurt comes running out of me. I don't want to cry. But a million tears still swim in my body. They're waiting for the outside to strike a nerve so they can strike my eyes. One day I'll let them out. But the timing of it so far hasn't been great. But one day when I'm alone in a room, I'll cry because the outside cut my skin. The outside struck a nerve.
The outside got divorced.

Even Trees Overthink Things.

sometimes I feel like you can see right through me.
I thought I was deeper than that.
but with you I'm just a peice of paper.
you make me nervous.

why won't spring just come?
I can't keep guessing.

Hypocrisy Is What Makes Me Human

that place is quiet
but this place is hollow.
i'm running out of happiness.
i want to cry.
but crying is an emotoon.
and i should be thankful for that.

The Atlantic Got Your Body and the Cold Got Mine.

Got the best of me
got the life of me
left the rest of me
hanging on a doorstep.
Turn the light on please
I can hardly breath
cause your eyes are seas
and titanic's sinking.

So i cried for you
but the ocean ate my tears.
And I'm dying too,
waste deep in fears.
While titanic's singing.
Sinking for me.

Cars are passing by
headlight stars in my eyes.
But my mind is drowning on a ship.
Sinking ship, sinking life
What's the difference?

So i cried for you
but the ocean ate my tears
and I'm dying too
waste deep in fears.
While titanic's singing.
Sinking for me.

Oh it's so cold here in the Atlantic.
too cold for thinking.
for loving.
And oh I can't keep searching
because your body's already at the bottom.
And I'm here forever in between

So i cried for you
but the ocean ate my tears
And I'm dying too
throat deep in fears.
While titanic's singing.
Trapped in an ocean for me.

Writing Things Down Makes Them Absolute, Not Sensible.

Stupid mistakes. Yet we make them still. Despite their stupidity. It's like I crave to be complex or something. Like I can't stand just being happy on a normal, first floor level. I have to have a complication that makes me... I don't know... different, I guess. I try and go with things. Just forget and be happy. Not happy, content. That's a better word. But I always drag myself down in thought. Like something has to be wrong. But things are wrong. A hundred things are wrong right now with my family. But I choose to ignore them and focus on my problems. Almost making them up as I go along. Problems for the sake of problems. There must be something wrong with me (there I go again). Maybe it's because I gave up something. No, I gave up on something. Something that made me different (love). Parenthesis hardly seems to cover the word. Yet I can't bring myself to throw it in with all the meaningless other words. So silly. I may not even be making any sense right now. But that's just okay.